Written By Swara Jhunjhunwala (Grade 9)
October 27, 1940
Giddy laughs reverberated in a dim-lit room, if it could even be called a room. Dilapidated as it was, the undying warmth pervading the commodity distinguished it from a shack.
Inside, a twenty-two-year-old Maria meticulously cut a cake into three pieces.
“Jan, Antoni” she called. Her voice was youthful with a pleasant lilt. They appeared, laughing at some joke. Their eyes lit up at the treat. It was not much, just cake but they had learnt to find joy in the little things of life. And a dense, rather lopsided cake was more than they could hope for…
Antoni playfully punched Jan as Jan helped himself to a slice that looked slightly bigger. Maria laughed good- humouredly; they all looked much the same to her.
“It’s good Maria, thanks.” They said.
Maria smiled sweetly and her eyes crinkled at the corners as she did. “Won’t you have yours?” Jan said, holding out the third slice to her.
“Oh I will, later.” Maria replied and then turned away. Her expression was forlorn, distant, as she gazed at nothing in particular. Jan and Antoni didn’t know pain like she did. Jan was seventeen now, Antoni thirteen, and they had been just children when they came here. She distinctly remembered a fourteen-year-old Jan, staring at her with big, innocent eyes as she, Maria, educated him with the truths of the world.
How they were Jews and how Jews were considered inhumane. How they had not relocated here but rather, fled for safety when the Germans had got their parents. But she left out one fact, one would instil in her fear every single day for the past ten years they had lived here. The Germans would find them soon.
Jan and Antoni had each other, they always did. And Maria had them she supposed. But this inevitable feeling of loneliness would continue to smother her each night after tucking them in bed. For how much longer would she have to pretend everything was normal when it wasn’t? She had done such a good job of it that Jan and Antoni seemed almost happy those days and it made it even more difficult to stop. How much longer, till the Germans found them and they were transported to some concentration camp? They would probably even be killed. The Germans didn’t take too kindly to fugitives.
“Maria? You okay?” Jan asked. “I called your name twice but you didn’t…” “Sorry I was just…” she interceded but then realised she had nothing to say to justify her ignorance. Jan leaned in so that Antoni wouldn’t hear and said “Were you thinking about…the Germans?”
“Don’t worry about it.” She gave a small smile but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
She was relieved that Jan still remembered what she had told him. He would look after Antoni if she was taken. Maria hugged herself tight. Once in three months, she would slip into the village nearby, at three precisely, as that was the time when the German patrollers would be too tired to remain at watch. She would steal whatever little food she could, careful to not do it too conspicuously. They would have one bite each day, making the food last for two months. The remaining would be spent on grains or edible leaves near the shack. She had found the cake discarded with other leftovers in a bakery and had picked it up, keeping in mind how Jan and Antoni would savour such a delight. It was the life they knew and the life they had been living for a decade. They had bore their fate uncomplainingly and would continue to as long as they had each other.
Maria decided to tuck them in early that night as she needed time to think. Even if the Germans did not get to them, they could not continue living like that. She clutched her stomach, paling at how she could feel her bones underneath her skin. She was weak and she was tired. She could put on a brave, exuberant face in front of her brothers but inside, she was detoriating. She hadn’t eaten for days leaving everything for Jan and Antoni. They would be furious if she told them this.
“Things will be better for us one day. I promise.” She had whispered that night, as she wrapped her arms around them. Her arms had ached with the strain of holding the two boys, something that scared her more than she would admit.
Then she had pulled away, rubbing the tears that had formed in her eyes and retired to a nook in the corner. She hoped that sleep would find her, for she could feel her eyes were swollen. Tomorrow…Tomorrow things would be better for them. And with that intangible hope, she her eyelids closed, oblivious to the unknown horrors that the next day had in store for them.
“Maria…Maria…WAKE UP…MARIA”
At Jan’s hard shove, she woke up with a start to the unmissible sound of gunshots. “They’re here Jan. They’re here.”
The Germans had found them.
Maria knew what she had to do.
“Jan, listen to me. Take Antoni and run. Run as fast as you can. Antoni’s still asleep but don’t wake him up. Carry him until he’s awake on his own. Remember what I have told you and follow your instincts. I will always love you. now go.”
“GO” Maria repeated when Jan stayed rooted to his spot. “What about you? Aren’t you coming with us?”
Maria’s heart broke at his tone.
“No Jan, I’m far too weak. I also need to ensure that the Germans don’t come looking for you. I need to make it seem as if I was here alone.”
“But they’ll kill you.” Jan said, tears streaming down his face.
“With a little luck maybe they’ll take me to work for them; to do simple household chores. I’ll be okay Jan, don’t worry about me. Take Antoni and run.”
Jan strangled Maria with a hug.
“I will find you one day when this war is behind us, I promise. Things will be better for us one day, I promise.” It was Jan who said it this time, his voice choked up with tears.
“I know.” Maria said, even though she knew the odds of such a possibility were none.
The gunshots sounded again, nearer this time and voices could be heard. Jan looked at Maria’s desperate face once again, draped Antoni over his shoulder and sprinted. Not long after he had taken off he heard a gunshot, a single gunshot, after which everything succumbed to silence.
18 days after
The brothers stood close, their shoulders lightly touching, their coarse palms linked together. Their gazes were unanmious, lifeless, too shocked to fathom what was going on around them. The place was strewn with corpses, starvation evident in each one. Their eyes flickered to one in particular. Maria’s…
Antoni reacted first. He pulled away his hand from Jan and rushed forward, falling on her corpse. Burying his head on her chest, his sobs rattled his whole body, the despair felt by him too great to ever be dulled. Jan put an arm around him and pulled him away.
“We have to go Antoni.”
“How? How can you say that? Aren’t you sad Maria died?
“She didn’t die, she was murdered” Jan replied, his voice shaking with anger. “We have to go Antoni, we can’t afford to be noticed by Germans from Schutzstaffel”.
“Schutzsta-who? Are they the ones who killed Maria?” Jan nodded.
“We can’t leave Maria like this!” Antoni protested, tears welling in his eyes again.
They picked her up and Jan, being stronger, draped her on his shoulder. Antoni clasped Maria’s hand in his, as if the scars that had formed in her palms could be healed by his gentle caresses.
“Wohin denskt du, dass du gehst?”
None of them spoke German. They just stared at the officer who was clad in a bright red uniform, tears frozen on their faces.
“Where do you think you are going?” The German repeated. “Is it not customary to salute on meeting an officer?” “Solche ungezogenen kinder!”
They couldn’t understand what he said but judging by his tone, it didn’t seem to their favour. “Throw away that trash on your shoulder and come with me.”
***
Antoni frowned at his armband that he had been ordered to wear. Jan had been given one too.
“Where are we going?” Antoni asked. They were waiting in a line with about thousand more people. Jan remained silent. He did not know how to answer Antoni’s questions. He wanted to spare Antoni from the truth for as long as possible. He still remembered the fury and shock he had felt when Maria had revealed to him the truth about them. His eyes welled up with tears at the thought of her but he shook them away. The Germans didn’t take too kindly to crying boys.
They were ushered into a train, all of those other people as well. The train was full, reeking of sweat and grime. There were no doors, no windows. Jan remembered what Maria had told him about being Jews.
We are not considered people. We are considered heartless, senseless, inhumans. That was how he felt then. The brothers clung to each other tightly, the airless space smothering them. Antoni felt dizzy, his head swayed with exhaustion and perplexment.
When the train finally stopped, the Jews poured out, all together at once. Antoni was pushed to the ground. Someone stepped on his hand which istantly started bleeding. Antoni was too scared to cry. His trepidation was like poison injected into his bloodstream, one that began to wade off all his other emotions and numb him. Jan almost lost Antoni in the midst of the crowd and made him promise to never let go of his hands.
***
They had their heads shaved. Their previous clothes were taken away and they were given dirty striped uniforms. Each and every one of them. Both their eyes had watered with pain as a number was branded onto their skin. They were to reside in hut number ninety-nine with two other Jews. Its conditions were
shabbier than the shack they had lived in before. Because Maria had been there with them. And that had made all the difference in the world.
“I hate it here. I miss home” Antoni said, tears brimming his eyes.
“Antoni, look at me. Maria wouldn’t want us to complain. So let’s be brave. For her at least.” Antoni nodded, ready to do anything for his beloved sister.
“They will call you by your number. You are number 989 and I am number 988. Do not ask them to call you by your names.”
Antoni nodded.
“If they ask you what age you are, say that you’re fifteen.” Jan said. Antoni nodded again.
“Do whatever those men in the red uniforms ask you to do okay? No matter what.” “No matter what.” Antoni replied.
“Keep quiet unless they ask you anything. We Jews, we are not allowed to speak. And stay away from anyone here. When I’m out for work, do not leave this hut. If anyone asks you why you’re in, say that a man in a red uniform told you so.”
Antoni could not understand why but he did not ask, remembering what he had promised earlier. “We’ll be okay,” Jan said. He didn’t know whether he was reassuring himself or Antoni.
A hushed silence had descended upon the camp at night. Nina, one of the other people in their tent had long turned in. Antoni had learnt from her that the other man staying with them was her brother. Even he had not returned. Occasionally Antoni would open his mouth to let air enter into his mouth but he did not dare breathe. He was too afraid to be heard by those huge men. He lay awake, waiting anxiously for Jan to arrive. A gunshot would be heard every now and then… What if something had happened to Jan?
A familiar sound of footsteps flooded Antoni with relief. Finally.
When Jan came in, his face was…unrecognizable. He looked ten years older somehow. His youthful features were replaced with hard lines, his teeth gritted. There was an inkling of blood near his lips which were chapped with dryness. He didn’t address Antoni, just rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. When he didn’t budge for long, Antoni assumed he was asleep and turned in himself. Little did he know that Jan was awake, silently meditating on the horrors he had faced that day.
Nina’s brother came in much later, noting the gentle snores of Antoni and the silence radiating from Jan.
Jan came back very late the next night.
“Why do you come back so late? I can hear the other Jews coming back around six. It is almost ten.” Antoni said.
“What is it to you” Jan snapped.
Antoni was taken aback. Jan had always been very kind to him. What had changed? “Jan, it’s been only a day but you’ve…changed.”
Jan didn’t reply, just leaned against the wall and shut his eyes like he did the day before. He waited till Antoni fell asleep, then sighed.
What the Germans had asked of him, it was too much. He felt as if he was letting Antoni down, his dear brother, who had always looked up to him. But more than that, he was letting himself down by succumbing to the Germans’ needs. Maria wouldn’t have wanted him to do what he was doing then. No matter what. He was sure of it.
But why was it that he couldn’t stop? He kept telling himself that it was all for Antoni. Antoni would be safe as long as he did what the Germans told him to do. Wouldn’t he?
“Jan, you’re hurt. How did this happen?” Antoni asked. Jan’s stomach churned at the concern in Antoni’s tone but he stayed quiet. Guiltily he realised that in the past few days, he had not answered a single of Antoni’s questions. He kept telling himself that all that he did everyday was to protect his brother and that he didn’t have a choice but…Maria had always told them that there was always a choice.
“Jan” Antoni repeated. His eyes had a pleading look. Jan forced himself to look up at his brother’s pale face, but guilt compelled him to look away. Despite that, Antoni tore a piece of cloth from the corner of his striped uniform, and scrupulously dabbed the fresh streaks of blood on Jan’s arm with it.
“How did this happen?” He asked again, but Jan remained as silent as ever.
As Jan stood watching Antoni’s chest rise and fall with each breath, a shudder shook him off his feet. He had ignored Antoni’s silent questions and attempts of conversation these past few days. It would not be long before he would lose his brother completely, the only one left in the world who truly cared about him.
But maybe, if Antoni knew what hideous deeds he carried out each day, he would not look at him with the same hopeful countenance but rather, disgust and disapproval.
The first day at work, the red officer had handed him a uniform different from everybody else’s.
“Du bist ein Kapos” He had said. Jan had caught the word kapos. It meant that he was a high-ranking prisoner, a prisoner enforced with the task of supervising other prisoners. Little did he realise that this job would turn out to be much, much worse.
“Do a good job and very soon you will be one of us” The officer had then said, in English, a hint of pride in his tone.” The last thing that Jan wanted was to be one of them.
“It will keep your brother safe.” The German had said to him before he went away.
***
“Jan, what are those gunshots?” Antoni asked, when Jan returned, again quite late.
“They’re…” Jan’s voice faltered, them broke off. Antoni looked up and saw tears streaming down Jan’s cheeks.
“What do they make you do?” Antoni whispered. “They’re horrible, I’m horrible.”
“No you’re not.” Antoni said.
“If you knew the kind of things they’re making me do, you’d think so too.”
“What are they making you do?” Antoni said and looked up at Jan with a concerned crease between his eyebrows.
“Antoni… I… I am…”
“Go on” Antoni said reassuringly.
“I supervise the other prisoners at camp.” “Is that really so bad?” Antoni asked.
“Antoni, they…they make me shoot those who are incompetent. When I was ordered to shoot a boy who was not much older than you and I refused, they hurt me in my arm.”
Antoni stayed silent. He opened his mouth several times but no words came out of this mouth. Finally he said, “Who is the officer who walks with you?”
Jan said that the officer was responsible to oversee what he did. He would torture him if he didn’t do exactly what the officer said to him. Then Jan rolled up the sleeves of his new uniform. Scars, thin and jagged lined his arm. One wound was fresh, still bleeding.
Antoni took Jan’s palm and squeezed it tightly. “I’m here for you Jan, I’m here for you.”
***
Nina’s brother was crouched in Antoni’s side, his shoulders drooped with old age and exhaustion. Antoni was not there. Nor was Nina. Jan paled to a blinding white on entering. The aged man turned sharply and Jan realised that he had been crying his eyes out. They were red and puffy and dark shadows that were more like bruises were under each eye. The man was frail, so frail that it looked as if squeezing him would hurt him. But it wasn’t the frailty of his appearance that terrified Jan. It was the pain in his expression. “Where is Antoni?” He rasped, but he already knew the answer.
“They’ve both been gassed.”
Jan slid to the floor. At first he was just numb. He sat there, rooted to his spot, lost, dazed, staring into space. Then when realisation struck that he would not be able to hear Antoni’s childish lisp again, all emotions swept over him like a tidal wave. A vortex of emotions; of despair, resentment, fury, rage, anguish, guilt, grief.
Antoni was dead.
The same Antoni who he had never spent a day without. The same Antoni who he would laugh with, cry with on difficult days and starve with. The same Antoni who had held and squeezed his hands just the day before. That same Antoni had died without knowing the truth about the world and it was all because of Jan. “NO” Jan cried, but nothing he said or did would bring him back. Nothing. Antoni was gone, forever. Just like Maria.
Jan was all alone.
The old man sat near Jan. And he said “My boy, leave this wretched place tomorrow and make a new life for youself in the city. There is a way.”
“If there is a way, why have you not left in all these years you have spent here?” Jan asked, completely bewildered, and also, for the first time in several weeks, felt a tiny glimmer of hope. Maybe his life wasn’t completely wasted after all.
“I didn’t leave as I knew that one day, my sons would find themselves here. And I had to be here to show them the way.”
“Father?”
“My boy.”
The father hugged his boy. Neither of them knew for how long they clung to each other, finally finding that comfort each had secretly desired for so long.
***
October 27, 1945 – 5 years after
Nothing remained of their house, the house which Maria, Jan and Antoni had shared. His best memories were of there, waking up each day to a song Maria sang, “we shall overcome”, the rare treats Maria would bring for them every five months and how she would tuck them in bed every night, whispering that things would be better for them. He could never hear those voices again, voices that he had grown to love.
News had reached him that his father had witnessed the liberation of the Jews. It was because of that wish to see the Jews finally free that he did not leave with Jan. His father had been the bravest of all soldiers, a silent soldiers, paying tribute to his country. He had died eventually, too weak to keep living. But he had not died at the hands of the Germans. Jan owed his entire life to him.
His face became drenched up. In all those twenty-three years of his life, he had known so much loss: Maria, Antoni, his mother, his father
A red scarf wrapped around a tree caught his eye. Recognising that it was Maria’s he carefully took it off.
Inside was a note from Maria. His heart became that of a hummingbird’s as he tried to make sense of the words. Back when they lived with their parents, Maria and Jan went to the village school so they could read and write. Antoni couldn’t.
Dear Antoni and Jan, I hope this note finds you if you visit again later. I will probably never see you but know that I will live on with you in your hearts. I will be watching you from the stars above. With love, Maria.
“Love you more” Jan whispered.
That night, as he gazed up at the star-filled sky, he could see two stars scintillating side by side. He could feel Antoni and Maria smiling at him and Jan, let that incandescent love overcome him, filling him with the homely warmth that he had been deprived of for so long.
Featured Image Courtesy – Adobe Stock
